I miss you so much, Alex (Six word Saturday)

I miss you so much, Alex (Six word Saturday)

I miss you so much, Alex….

 

I can’t believe Monday will be six weeks since I last saw your handsome face.  Time doesn’t make sense to me. On one hand it seems so much longer than six weeks – forever almost…. And on another hand, it seems like yesterday.  But how do you ever measure time?  If I think about it, it seems like yesterday that I met you for the very first time… when I had my first date with your dad.  Do you remember?  Back then I didn’t like cats…. Imagine that?  You changed my ways, buddy.

 

Your dad and I have been trying to be strong.  We have been focused on work and on the upcoming kitchen project (and what a project that will be).  But it doesn’t erase the pain we feel in our hearts.  It is always there.  There isn’t a spot in this house that doesn’t hold a memory of you.  We see you wherever we look… on the couch, by the top of the stairs, by the sink, on the dining room chair….everywhere…

 

We try not to, but we cry every day – sometimes when we are alone, sometimes when we are together.  Mostly when we are together…

 

Evenings are the hardest for your dad… that is when he had his special time with you – before I got home from work.  Mornings are worse for me. That is when you and I would hang out together, alone.  I used to get angry when you woke me up so early. I am sorry.  I would love nothing more than to get woken up again by you at 3:30 AM, having your paws scratching against my face.  I am up anyway now. I can’t sleep.

 

It is funny the things we miss…. Whoever would have thought we’d miss cleaning hairballs?  But we do… I mop the floor a lot lately… just to do it.  And I can’t help it, but every morning I do check the carpet for hairballs… I forget for the moment there will not be any…

 

But Alex, sweet man, cat of our dreams…. we miss you… a lot… and we always will.  You will always be a huge part of our hearts, and while we both know that the hurt and sorrow will get better over time, we also know that we will never stop missing you or loving you…

 

Rest well my sweet boy…

Run free….

Love, mommy…

 

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Hilary Grossman

Hilary Grossman is the author of Plan Bea and Dangled Carat. By day, she works in the booze biz. By night she hangs out with her "characters." She has an unhealthy addiction to denim and high heel shoes. She's been known to walk into walls and fall up stairs. She only eats spicy foods and is obsessed with her cat, Lucy. She loves to find humor in everyday life. She likens life to a game of dodge ball - she tries to keep many balls in the air before they smack her in the face. She lives on the beach in Long Island. To find out more of what Hilary is up to check out her Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/HilaryGrossmanAuthor

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80 thoughts on “I miss you so much, Alex (Six word Saturday)

  1. We do totally understand. It has been several years since my brother Ivan left for the Bridge in the middle of the night. There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t miss him terribly. It is really hard on Dad as they had such a routine together. We all know how much you and Marc loved that dear sweet Alex. Gracie loves her Alex too and she always will. We are so thankful for the love and the memories of all of the good times. It does get easier, but the pain of the loss never totally leaves, which, I think, is a fine and lasting tribute to the wonderful paw prints on our hearts. Hugs from all of us.

    1. Brian (and everyone) thanks so much… I know that you understand… With the exception of the one night that Alex had his tail amputated, we were never in the house without him. He was such a part the house, our hearts, our lives. We are trying to change up our routines to make things different (like going for walks together in the morning) and it helps a little… I know that the pain will get easier, and I am also glad it will never fully leave. I love the thought of paw prints on our hearts…it is a comforting image. Big hugs…

  2. What a great tribute to Alex. It is so darn hard to lose a fur animal. Our Mom has lost a bunch and everyone of them is hard. But they are all so special and hold a big place in our hearts. Love the saying Paw Prints on our hearts too.
    Have you started on your kitchen project yet?? We want pictures.
    Take care. Thinking about you.

    1. Marg – thank you… I just wrote from my heart – didn’t even reread it before I hit publish. It is amazing how big the paw prints are on our hearts. I can’t imagine how you have done it – having so many and losing so many – but I know the love you give and receive is worth the pain you feel.. And one day, we will open our hearts again and give another “friend” just as much love as we gave Alex…. Yes, we did start the kitchen project – but just little pieces. The big project won’t start for another month or so (we are still in the planning / ordering stages) but there will be plenty of pictures and posts…

  3. Our hearts ache for you because we understand how you feel. In September it will be 2 years since Sniffie left for the Bridge and we still miss her so much. Mom will often start to type our signature as “Sniffie and The Florida Furkids” and then will stop with a heavy heart.
    (((Hugs)))

    The Florida Furkids

    1. FL Furkids – Can you please give your mom a big head butt from me… I know she (and you guys) understand. it is amazing how little things trigger our grief and how sometimes we just almost “forget” if only for a minute… big ((hugs)) back

    1. Karen Lyn – thanks so much.. It does hurt, and the triggers are all around us. It is funny, we started minor work in the kitchen. One of the things we did was move the fridge to a new cut out in the garage. It is where Alex’s bowl was. I thought that removing that trigger would help, but it actually made it worse – if that makes sense….

  4. oh my, I’m so sorry – you’re gonna probably cry, but Zoo Zoo just came running over and kissed Alex on my computer screen. she cried out “Alex, Alex! i missed you!” At 2 she doesn’t understand that he is gone…. but my older two came running over too – their hearts half full of hope that he’d be alive and well – even though I had told them Alex had passed. They too kissed his little face on the screen….and then asked if we could go to his grave like I do for their great grandma and grandpa.
    So….as you can see, you are most certainly still not alone in your missing him.

    1. Leslie – you are right.. you did make me cry.. and I am so thankful that you did. I love how your kids love Alex. I love how they kissed the computer. I love that he touched them and he never even met them… Can you please give them all a big kiss from me? It is funny, I am just like your kids. I often look at pictures of him on my phone and without realizing kiss my phone…

  5. Hilary, sorry you are feeling so sad. I’m sure there are good and bad days. Alex will forever be a part of you because you have your memories!!! Hang in there… xoxo

    1. Susi – thanks! There are good and bad days. Staying busy helps, so did my mom visiting last week. However, even if our mind is off it, our hearts are still heavy…

    1. William – you can say that again…. he was an amazing man, and I will never stop missing him – although I do hope that my sadness will be replaced with happy memories…

  6. we understand what you are feeling. sometimes i call out for one of my cats only to remember that they are no longer her on earth. when i go shopping for new toys, i will make comments about how one kitty loved this type of toy and another kitty ignored these toys. sometimes i measure time by the cats that were in my life at that moment. i believe that each cat/pet takes a little piece of our heart when they leave. with time, our hearts mend but a scar remains. a reminder of the love we still have for our precious angels. your post really hit home. i am still shedding tears. your family is in our hearts and prayers.

    1. Mom’s busy – thanks so much…. I think that anyone who ever had a pet can relate… And I agree that every pet takes a piece of our hearts with them when they leave. They make such an impact in our lives. They are such an important member of our families – only wanting to give and receive love… I hear you about the shopping.. yesterday we went to pick up fish for dinner. The fish market was right next to a pet store. I forgot for a moment and wanted to go in to buy Alex a toy or food….

  7. I’m so sorry. I had no idea- I do feel your pain. I remember every pet I’ve ever lost. And then I wonder why I go and get another one. They are not just dogs, cats, whatever. They are a part of the family. Hugs.

    1. Pam – thanks… You are so right.. they are not a cat or a dog. they are our families… while we are not ready yet, I know that in the future Marc and I will open our hearts again to another cat and shower him or her with just as much love as we did Alex. We will feel differently about it, I am sure, but love it all the same… Hugs back!

    1. 4joy – thanks so much… Unfortunately if we have a pet we have to lose them. It is so hard, but the love we get is worth the pain….

  8. Oh, Hilary, this post almost made me cry! How endearing that you are up at 3:30 am because that is the time Alex woke you! I’m sure everything reminds you of him and I admire your strength to go on even though it is difficult.

    Thank you for posting your caption for our Silly Saturday Photo Caption Contest! Your caption was very sweet and funny at the same time!

    Let’s see, my life in 6 words….New opportunities happen daily for me!

    1. April – sorry about the crying… I cried writing it… It is funny how I now wake up on my own at 3:30 – ugh…. I like your 6 words.. And I hope that all the opportunities are good ones!

  9. Big hugs…I still miss my Oscar (dog) and it has been over a year. Then again, he was with me for 18 years. They leave their mark. It gets easier and easier to look back fondly and without too much sadness.,

    1. Alien Body – I am so sorry for your loss… But wow, 18! that is amazing… I know that it will get easier, but you are right..they sure leave their mark everywhere – and while in the beginning it is hard because it makes you sad, after a while I am sure it will help keep the happy memories alive…

  10. *big hugs* I remember when I lost my first pet who hard it was for the first couple of months not to greet me at the door. Our pets are such an important part of our family that it is hard to say god-bye. But they are always with us close to our hearts.

    1. Darcie – hugs back… they are such an important part of our family. I thought it was hard when I lost my dog, but I had no idea… I just moved in with Marc about a month before (but was pretty much living here before then). Not being home and having Alex made it so much easier. I now feel so bad for my mom, having to go through it alone with me gone….

  11. I don’t have the words to convey the emotion I felt while reading this, I just have the tears. Anyone who has lost a beloved pet can understand, and…share their love……..there is nothing more I can say, you said it all, so perfectly ((((hugs)))))

    1. Caren – thanks.. I tried to just write from my heart.. you are right.. anyone who loved an animal understands the loss.But more importantly they support that they give helps so much….

  12. Unfortunately even though time will ease the pain but the memories are still carved deep in the heart –with that every now and then they will bring back the pain of losing him but hopefully many sweet memories. Take care, Hilary!

    1. Journey of life – you are right.. pain gets less over time, but never goes away.. which I guess is a testimant to our love…

  13. Oh, Hilary….What can any of us write? Nothing. Most of us have been there and understand, no words necessary.

    Sometimes I get cranky, always being up at 4AM to feed the boys and let them into the enclosed garden. This morning I had Toby the stray scratching and meowing at the fence gate, in the pitch dark, while I was trying to clean up the mess of Derry’s breakfast that he barfed up minutes later, all over the area rug. I was p*ssed off and frustrated and saying I’ll never have cats again, this is it, I can’t stand it…But the truth is, my heart will break when it’s time for them to leave me, as it did with both Chumley and Annie.

    Your beautiful and moving words are a reminder to ME to cherish every moment, even the ones that seem so aggravating.

    (((Hugs))) and universal Light.

    -Kim

    1. Kim – hugs back… I think your comment said it all… We get angry, not because we don’t love our pets but because of the situations. We don’t really get angry at them. I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrated I was every morning waking up so early only to have to clean 5 litter boxes for one cat, plus a daily hairball, etc. Now my mornings feel so empty. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the “now / everything we have to do” and miss out on the “now / what really matters”. Sometimes, sadly, it takes a loss for us to realize who and what really matters to us… does this make sense? hugs back!

  14. So sorry for your loss. ((Hugs)) Our daughter’s family has a sick doggy that they have loved for many years. He probably won’t live past today. Their hearts are sad too. We lost a dog that we had loved for 12 years since he was a puppy…and I remember how much that hurt too. I hope you will have better days ahead.

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

    1. Linda – I am so sorry for your daughter and her family. i know how hard today (and the tomorrows that follow) will be for them. My thoughts are with them…. I am sorry for your loss as well… I know there will be brighter days for your daughter and me… hopefully sooner then we think…

    1. Inner Chick – how can I forget who is holding, loving, and kissing him… You have no idea how much it means to me that you are mourning with me. I was telling marc about you and kay yesterday when we went for our walk. I feel guilty that I feel so sad when you had to live through such a tragedy.. Sending you big hugs…

  15. mommy has leaky eyes for you both…..we with there were some magic words to make this easier. It is just so hard when you are expecting him to be there and then have to realize one more time that things are now so different….. but we know Alex is watching over you.

    1. Random felines – tell your mom I am sorry about the leaky eyes… i wish there were magic words too, but I know that the only thing that will help is time. I also think the redoing of the kitchen / downstairs will help too – making the house look a little different may make the “visions” a little less… I know you are also right that Alex is looking over us every moment…

  16. Love changes everything, including us, our own selves. There was a time that Bill “didn’t like cats”…until he got to know mine. Then he joined me in rescue, ane everything else.
    You & Marc were meant to be together, and you were meant to be Alex’s mommy. That will always be a part of you. Love changes us, and it makes us better. Hugs.

    1. McGuffy Ann – thanks for such a beautiful comment… I think your and Bill’s relationship and mine & marc’s sound very similar… I am so glad that Alex let me be his mommy…. He really adopted me, and I will always love that guy… big hugs back

  17. You have both been on my mind so much. I know it has to be so difficult . You had a wonderful thing and then it is suddenly gone. I am so sorry. Alex touched many lives and hearts. Your sadness is real and from reading the many comments there are many who are grieving with you. Sending hugs and prayers to you and Marc.

    1. Beth Ann – really?? I have been…wow, I feel special! 🙂 It is funny, but I think the suddenly gone is the part that gets me. If I was honest with myself this spring I knew he wouldn’t be with us for long. But I didn’t want to be honest. I just figured he would always fight through any illness… but even a tough cat like this guy has his limits. He gave us all the signs but we refused to see…. Reading these comments I agree Alex touched so many lives and I am so happy / shocked about it. this internet is an amazing place… big hugs back…

  18. oh mommy cried when she read this…. She can only imagine how you both must feel!

    Daddy had never had a cat til he married mommy & got Ryker in the deal. When we lost him so suddenly, he cried too. Time does eventually ease the pain (though we didn’t believe it ever would at the time), but we so vividly recall those days after, and you described them so perfectly.

    We are so glad you have such beautiful memories of Alex, and pray that they will bring you comfort and that some day you will have the memories without the pain….

    1. Ryker’s Boyz n Allie – I am sorry I made your mommy cry… But I know she understands how we feel…. unlike Ryker, Alex’s passing wasn’t “really” sudden. He had a few rough years – but he always pulled through. Marc and I were clueless – just thinking that he would always pull through…If we were honest with ourselves we would have been more prepared, but…. I know that time makes everything better – just like it does for every loss… but the beginning is always the hardest. I am so glad that Alex was such a “star” of this blog because when the hurt gets a little less, I know reading the stories I wrote about him will offer me so much comfort…

  19. Oh, I just cried when I read this. I didn’t really know what to say to make it better for you and your family. We posted a video on our blog that we hope will at least make you smile a little bit.

    1. Cecilia – I am sorry I made you cry – but I made myself cry too when I wrote it – although after, I did feel better. There are no words that can make Marc and I feel better. But the video of Squish sure did help. You have no idea how much I miss a happy, wiggling stumpy and seeing Squish’s put a huge smile on my face…. He is helping me start my day off right… big hugs!

    1. Jans funny farm – you are right… even if there are other pets around the house feels so empty – but with none it is soooooooooooo empty. Marc and I have only been in the house 1x (alex’s surgery) alone before now… it is so strange…

    1. Lucy – thanks so much… I knew it would be sad and hard, but I really didn’t expect it to be this hard…. (hugs back)

  20. Dear Hilary and Marc,

    We are so sorry that you are missing your sweet Alex so much, and that your hearts are hurting. I still see our sweet angels Graphite and Maggie sometimes. Sometimes a shadow or a sound I can’t attribute to anything else. It’s almost as if they are telling us that they are still watching over us, and that the love we have for them (and they for us) will always be.

    Big hugs to you both.

    1. Meowmeowmans – thank you….we send big hugs back… We knew that Alex’s passing would be hard, but I don’t think we expected it to be this hard… I love that you “see” your sweet angels. We haven’t been fortunate to have that happen yet, but i am hoping we are…

  21. Alex was one of the things that first attracted me to your blog. I probably mentioned many moons ago that I also had a cat named Alex. Reading your Alex’s stories reminded me of my guy and kind of gave him a new life in a sense. That sounds kind of weird, I know. Alex was so loved and touched so many people, Leslie’s story made me tear up. He’s living on now in all our memories of him. Hugs to you and Marc.

    1. Jennifer – I think you did mention your cat, but I forgot. I am glad my alex was able to remind you of your alex… It doesn’t sound weird to me at all….

      Leslie’s story made me cry too… it is amazing how many people, thanks to the internet and this blog, that Alex was able to touch. he was an amazing friend and I am so glad I was able to share him with you all, and I am so glad that he made an impact in other’s as well as Marc and me… ((HUGS))

    1. Catachresis – thank so much… This post pretty much wrote itself…Everyone who has a pet feels this way at some point.. it is sad, but it is the price we have to pay for all the love we receive

  22. This is exactly what I’ve been going through for the last 2 weeks since my Dobson vanished. Not knowing is hard, and yeah, I miss a lot of those things that you mentioned here. Who thought I’d miss being tripped every morning on the way to the kitchen as he ran between my legs?

    1. Mike, I am so sorry… what you are going through is so much harder… I can’t imagine not knowing… At least in Alex’s case we can take comfort in knowing he had a long happy life, and we were with him until the very end… Hang in there… I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers…

  23. I am so sorry to hear about Alex. I have lost two wonderful cats and I still miss them. Every time I hear of someone losing a pet I get all leaky-eyed – I remember the pain and sadness of losing a member of the family. Purrs and head butts.

    1. Ann – thank you so much… I know how you feel – whenever I hear about someone losing a pet, my heart breaks too… It is so sad, and hard because they just give us unconditional love….

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