Forever.. and always

Forever.. and always

Pain…. Is hard. Is there a measure? Is there a magic feeling? How do you handle it? Do you choose to embrace it or chose to forget?

I’ve gone both ways. And I can’t figure out what gives me peace and what gives me pain. The hard days, the days that gut you to your core are always a part of your heart, your soul, and your essence. Usually I remember the painful days. I tend develop anxiety leading up to the anniversaries. I dread the day, remembering, and thinking back. But sometimes I block them from my mind. It is a defense mechanism I know. I push the pain, sadness, and hurt aside. I “forget” the day. I ignore it and pretend the day is just like any other.

But it’s not.

And it never can be.

The truth catches up to you. It slaps you hard, like an angry ex-lover. All the sad you tried to escape, brings tears to your eyes and sorrow to your soul. You can’t forget love. You can’t forget those people and creatures that you gave your heart to, and whose hearts you hold dearly,

July 16th. It came and went unceremoniously. Another Monday. Another day filled with obligations and commitments. But it was anything but. July 16 marked six years since my beloved cat, Alex, crossed and went to the rainbow bridge. In the six years that passed, so much changed, but so much remained the same. My love for him never weakened. I think of him always, and miss him all the time.

But I’ve had rough few years. I’ve changed a lot. My life had changed to. I haven’t had time for a lot of what I love, especially this blog. But that is no excuse. For the first few years, oddly, July 16 brought many special events. The first anniversary we went to a James Taylor concert, Alex’s favorite singer, Year two, we found ourselves at a private Sheryl Crowe concert for Crohn’s disease. But this year – the sixth anniversary, something horrible happened. Alex’s wife, the love of his life, Gracie, passed and too went to the bridge.

I’ve been crying for a while now. And I’m pretty numb at the moment. I can’t decide if I feel like this is the perfect end to their love story, or a cruel twist of fate. All I do know is I wish Gracie was still here with us, now. I wish Alex were too. And for myself, I pray I can stay in the moment long enough to always realize what truly is important. Not our work, our obligations, our accomplishments. But those we love the most.

Run free Alex – 7/16/12
Run Free Gracie – 7/16/18

Forever you are both in my heart, my soul, and my core

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Hilary Grossman

Hilary Grossman is the author of Plan Bea and Dangled Carat. By day, she works in the booze biz. By night she hangs out with her "characters." She has an unhealthy addiction to denim and high heel shoes. She's been known to walk into walls and fall up stairs. She only eats spicy foods and is obsessed with her cat, Lucy. She loves to find humor in everyday life. She likens life to a game of dodge ball - she tries to keep many balls in the air before they smack her in the face. She lives on the beach in Long Island. To find out more of what Hilary is up to check out her Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/HilaryGrossmanAuthor

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18 thoughts on “Forever.. and always

  1. Oh no—I am so sorry! And how can it be 6 years already that Alex passed? That seems impossible. I am keeping you and all that loved Gracie as well in my thoughts and prayers. Our pets are our best friends, aren’t they?

    1. Beth Ann – I have no idea how 6 years could have passed. It does seem impossible. But yet, when I think back, so much has happened in those 6 years – Hurricane Sandy, leaving the beach, building a house, work changes… Thanks so much for the love. I am sorry I have been a bad blog friend.

  2. It sure is hard to believe that our sweet Gracie is gone but it is comforting that the lovebirds are together again. Gracie knew when it was time and that dear sweetie chose the date. Thanks for loving our dear Gracie girl.

    The Dad replied to your email.

    1. Brian – I had the chance to chat with your dad on the phone yesterday. It was great to hear his voice. I am thankful that sweet gracie is at peace and I know that her and Alex are running free and making up for lost time. The lovebirds are now together…

  3. I related so well to what you wrote so eloquently. Anniversaries are so hard, and like you I am coming up on my loss of my beloved Abby next month and I toiled with the thoughts of what to express and how it will be accepted if I write what is truly in my heart. Sometimes it’s the aloneness I feel in that perhaps I am only one who still after all these years loves and misses their cat as badly as I do. Thank you for the your truth and honesty. I am so sorry for how losing Gracie brought it all back for you with your beloved Alex. Like I feel with Abby, I cannot believe it’s been 6 year since he has gone to RB. Where does the time go? Thinking of you with deep prayers.

    1. Annabelle – Thank you so much. I too can’t believe Abby has been gone for six years either. It feels like yesterday they were posting. I can promise you, you aren’t the only one who loves and misses their beloved pet so dearly. We do too. Alex’s name comes up all the time. We think of him, feel his presence, and cry. Express what you feel in your heart. Who cares if it is accepted or not. It is your feelings, and your feelings are never wrong. HUGS

  4. Anniversaries are so hard. When Brian’s Sister Gracie ran off to the Bridge, we pictured dear Alex there to great his love. We lost our Minchie on June 14th so we know the pain. We have many anniversaries of him in our future. The one month was hard. Hugs and comforting purrs to you, Hilary.

    1. Laila – oh no. I am so sorry about Minchie. I have been a horrible blog friend but I still care so much for everyone. I know how hard this month has been for you. The pain is so intense, just like the love was…. When I read about Gracie running to the bridge, I pictured the same thing. It give me peace to think of them together….

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